[b]Advice......[/b]

last SG · 2005-02-14T18:46:22+00:00

Hi everyone, yah, can really see the light but I will not rush into things yet, still no feeling for her, or maybe, I still need lots of time to recover and...

ptw SG

She has been my gf for abt 2 yrs. Just recently broken up. She left me for another guy during my exam. I am a working adult but doing a par time course. She encourage me to do it but sh has alot of problem but I suffered with her till she found a new job.

I helped her in her resume writing, teaches her how to tackle interviewers qns. I am so happy that she has found a new job and thought that all effort put in was well paid off. I have to struggle between work, study and also her personal prob. he was not that type of proactive girl who will take the initiative to do what is necessary.

The next thing I knew from her friend after we broke off was that during my exam leave struggling for my papers, she knew a guy from the net. We broke off eventually. She claimed that she broke off with me before accepting nother guy. I was very hurt, very very depressed. I have to struggle btw getting over her, struggle btw work, study and finding new job cos I am on contract employment basis (all alone).

To make it short, I was converted to permanent staff eventually but I just feel lonely. I am ok but have not fully recovered from it. Feel numb rather than sad. I knew a girl and have tried going out ith her but just dont have any feeling (if that the correct word to use). Still thinks abt the wonderful times I have spent with my ex, just comes into my mind occasionally. Pls help me. Feel so empty...

RaTtY81 SG

Time may heal all wounds, but the scar will remain…

_Aaron_ SG

If you think its too early to start dating again, then wait some time and get over her before starting a new relationship.

There's no hurry to start dating again. Your heart must find closure first, an end to your relationship. It may have ended when she initated the break-up, but if your heart still thinks the relationship is still there... you need to get out of it.

My advice is to take some time off, and relax a bit. You will feel lonely, but you won't be alone.

At least you have loved and lost, while i haven't loved at all..

If you need help, you can click here on How to get over a broken heart

Do take care..~

Yunhaier SG

To lose your love to someone from the net - this is how much your ex-gf has in you in her heart. You may probably feel better if this nemesis of yours is someone in reality, because it simply means that she already had the intention to leave the relationship. You don't go online chat, simultaneously, search (whether conscious/subconscious) for potential/s.

A two years relationship defeated by one from virtual reality? Think about it.

Someone who doesn't appreciate you; you should feel lucky to leave the relationship.

You had just failed a relationship; you need sometime to readjust your emotional structure. And considering your hectic lifestyle, trying to push for another relationship, now, will likely to create similar problem. The issue of negligence probably serve as a partial fault of yours, in which why your previous relationship died.

Empty.

If you are truely empty, getting another relationship wouldn't make much difference.

Restructure yourself first. Idea

Cheers

Patrik SG

Well said..Yunhaier...
Smile

browniebaobao SG

Poor thing.

Think you are not suitable to go on another r/s right now. Since you have no feelings for the girl, then be frens..

Right now, think only TIME can do the necessary..

ptw SG

Thanks everyone for your kind advice.

I make it a point to spent 1 week day, Sat and Sun with her per week ( if I dont have any exams or tests). I told her just endure for a while till I complete my semester and we shall go for a short trip to Malaysia kinda thing. Her friends told me that I am too down to earth, someone who thinks abt future, career etc. I am very hurt cos if she accepted that guy after we have broke up, I have nothing to say. But infact, she had developed a relationship with him while I am at home struggling for my exams preparation.

As for now, she has cut off all communication means cos she blamed me for telling all her friends for what she has done to me but in fact, it was her friend who told some friends and thats where the whole news starts to spread.

I just feel that why and how can a girl changed so fast that she dont even care abt me or how I feel especially when I did nothing seriously wrong. I even receive sms from her new bf telling me not to contact her.

I suffered alone for 2 months before I am able to pull myself together. All my friends advice couldnt heal my pain. I know that I am also at fault neglecting her but must she do this to me? Betraying me and asking his new bf to sms me?
Do you guys and gals think that i deserve such treatment from her? Sorry, really need to shout out what I have suffered.

Magnus SG

If that's the case, forget about her. The relationship only serves as a bad distraction to more important things that you need to do.

Maybe next time, look for someone that is able to walk the extra mile along with you (even for short distances). Someone that is able to connect with.

Devil1976 SG

There're always losses in life. Facts are facts, often you just can't change them.

Be grateful that your sufferings for her are over. You're FREE. To LIVE LIFE the ya want it to be... Don't waste it.... Wink

Project-D SG

hi, ptw,

sorry to hear your sad relatioeship.. for 1 min but i am also happy for u after that 1 min. i have friend who been through similar happeneings as u... sad as u still feels for her Crying or Very sad , happy as your get to know the real character of your ex at the early state... cos u will be in a worse situation if it happened later, am i right ???

all BGR is a cycle ....................

1) starting dating= he love her, she love him

2) later, BF no time, no $$ >> he love her, she still 'like' him

3) later later , BF work, still be a good bf >> he love her but she like happy time, $$, status, she don like the guy anymore, looking out for other guy.

4) finally, BF find time, $$ to spend with the gal >> gal changed of heart but still chearting on him of his feeling n $$ (she have found another guy with $$ and car) she still go out with BF.

5) the gal lie to BF >> cheating, unfaithful, $$ minded, 2 timer

6) good friends tell BF the truth...>>.. gal show true colour, turn table on BF.

gal's eye only can see only the appearance: short term happiness, $$, fun, no true love. wat is meant to go, will go. not worth of your love/feeling/time/$$$.[/color][/b]

Cool BF sad, cry, but ...............>>> later a better gal shows up , he smile.

people will hold on the the past bcos of happy memories... ,

I WILL NOT ADVICE U TO FORGET HER, U JUST ONLY REMEMBER THE HAPPY MEMORIES, BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE U MORE 'zhen xi' OF YOUR FUTURE GF.

WHEN the present and the future, U will have many many more happier memories to come. BUT this time with the destinated gal, the one who will be with u by fate... maybe the gal u mention, is the one...u will be happier, trust me, the real happiness
GIVE YOURSELF AND THAT GAL A CHANCE SLOWLY.... u will see my point..

IMO, the best girl , BEING understanding and Put herself in the your shoe. and appriciate u... so hao hao zhen xi the one with u now, that is the most important

go spend a happy Vday together with that gal friend of yours !!!!! Mr. Green

ptw SG

Thanks Project-D, I agree with you, my ex was very very nice to me but when she decided to leave me, she was very very nasty and so self-centred. I really hope that things will turn out well but not for now, really scary when you love her so much and work hard for a better future, next thing you know that she has accepted another guy, waiting for the right moment to break up with me.

Maybe some of you may agree with me, I will really like to coo.l down for a while, get to know the girl well before getting myself committed again.

Project-D SG

sometimes it takes more than time to know/understand 1 person, have to put the relationship to test in the hard time... if he/she be with u during the bad time, he/she is the one meant to share your life with.....

enjoy the process of countership...... sometime better than going steady !! Embarassed Wink Laughing

blowfish SG

hey, just dump her! very straight forward.

Be more MAN! this kind of girl don appreciated u.
riding a donkey finding a white horse.

BE MORE MAN!

ptw SG

I have taken every step to forget abt her but at times the hurt that she has inflicted on me makes me feels so angry. There she njoy with her guy and me, alone. But really thanks to all of you in sgforum for all the support. Pls give me more advice if possible to make me move on faster, if possible, smoother.

ahmike SG

Hi Ptw,

Dun worry about it... its not like u the only guy facing this problem. I also been there once with this issue.

Currently i more focus towards my work ,studies and friends. But im enjoying to achieve my own dream. Ptw , do you have your own dream to accomplish? then try to do it if u have...Live life with the fullest don't go down with sarrow.

icepole SG

Overcoming a failed r'ship is never easy. At certain point of time, painful memories may flood back. However, you must know that you live for yourself. Gather the strength you never know you have. Rediscover yourself.

It may not be a suitable period for you to start dating again now as you may be undergoing a 'rebound' effect. Clear all your thoughts. Believe in yourself that you've got the capability to move on WITHOUT her. Someone out there, your right one, is on her way to you. Someone who will appreciate you for who you are and will not be easily tempted by other factors.

ptw SG

I was told by my friends that chances are hard to come by. Its becos this is my first relationship and I take it too seriously that I worked hard for future, study hard for future, told her to endure with me but dreams shattered in the end causing huge traumatic effect which may takes long time to recover.

I will rather suffer alone than having any rebound effects.

Do you all think this is my karma to suffer all this? Not fair......

M©+square SG

Originally posted by Project-D:
hi, ptw,

sorry to hear your sad relatioeship.. for 1 min but i am also happy for u after that 1 min. i have friend who been through similar happeneings as u... sad as u still feels for her , [b]happy as your get to know the real character of your ex at the early state... cos u will be in a worse situation if it happened later, am i right ???

all BGR is a cycle ....................

1) starting dating= he love her, she love him

2) later, BF no time, no $$ >> he love her, she still 'like' him

3) later later , BF work, still be a good bf >> he love her but she like happy time, $$, status, she don like the guy anymore, looking out for other guy.

4) finally, BF find time, $$ to spend with the gal >> gal changed of heart but still chearting on him of his feeling n $$ (she have found another guy with $$ and car) she still go out with BF.

5) the gal lie to BF >> cheating, unfaithful, $$ minded, 2 timer

6) good friends tell BF the truth...>>.. gal show true colour, turn table on BF.

gal's eye only can see only the appearance: short term happiness, $$, fun, no true love. wat is meant to go, will go. not worth of your love/feeling/time/$$$.[/color][/b]

Cool BF sad, cry, but ...............>>> later a better gal shows up , he smile.

people will hold on the the past bcos of happy memories... ,

I WILL NOT ADVICE U TO FORGET HER, U JUST ONLY REMEMBER THE HAPPY MEMORIES, BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE U MORE 'zhen xi' OF YOUR FUTURE GF.

WHEN the present and the future, U will have many many more happier memories to come. BUT this time with the destinated gal, the one who will be with u by fate... maybe the gal u mention, is the one...u will be happier, trust me, the real happiness
GIVE YOURSELF AND THAT GAL A CHANCE SLOWLY.... u will see my point..

IMO, the best girl , BEING understanding and Put herself in the your shoe. and appriciate u... so hao hao zhen xi the one with u now, that is the most important

go spend a happy Vday together with that gal friend of yours !!!!! Mr. Green

[/b]

Somehow unorthodox. But i kinda like this advice. Wink

ptw SG

Its true for me but very harsh for me to go through.

Devil1976 SG

No point thinking karma or not... Treasure your present....